dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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