Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
