just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
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the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
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I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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