3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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