??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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