I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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