I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
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You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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