sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
