he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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