i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
