I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
