well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
