i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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