Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
