You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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