Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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