Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
