I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
