do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
