Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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