I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
