after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
