I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
