I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
