im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Pants are for mortals
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