We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Ketchup is God's man juice
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
