I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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