I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
