He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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