also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
