the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Is Oprah even human
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
