we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
