I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
