Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
whose parrot is this?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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