Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
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some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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