I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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