is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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