Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
