literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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