it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
