We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
