u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
