okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
