What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
