I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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