she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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