Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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