this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
