one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
