so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
