There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
