I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
