i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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