He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Its about making memories worth repressing
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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