i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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