i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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