Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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