we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
