I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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