Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
