I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
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Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
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I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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