I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
