so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
