This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
