I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
