she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
