I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
