....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
