at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize