My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
pray to the hookup gods
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You are a genius and a whore.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
